Cover Letter Eros

Here's a sample of a cover letter that almost made its way to an HR department in a textile department about a year ago. Cover letters need to take a chill pill and get groovy.

"I Found You on the Internet or By Word of Mouth

I believe 

I am perfect

For the position listed. You can

Put me in the position; any position announced

I will do whatever you want done

At a desk

With a machine

Completely by hand

I can do it

My discerning eye will negotiate the fluidity of dips

Dyes and the endless flow

Of yardages and entangled objects produced

Overseas. I will travel

My discretion is unparalleled and my lips

Will never divulge our secrets of company

The Internet is my playground

The streets, dark or day-lit, bear

The fruit of inspiration.

I am presentable, punctual, polite, and speak honestly

I submit to groups

But command a crowd

With eloquence and corporeal prostration

I demonstrate sublime skills

Show copious growth

Fulfill the desire until the next pangs of wont vibrate

Needing to be ripped apart and bear that coming 

Fruit of every season"

-DJB